9 more days

Dear MooMoo,

I have meant to write something for you in case anything happens to me during labor. Officially you are 9 days away, and as I’m writing this, you just gave mommy a really big kick.

You came as a surprise. A long time ago there was a psychic warned me not to have children. In face she warned me that I might have difficulty conceiving anyway (Yes mommy is very superstitious — I checked those oriental calendars before buying plane tickets and would only choose dates where there’s a note that says “good to travel”.) Your dad might be able to understand this part of me as he has pages of “life analyses” just based on his birthday. So as much as I might have dreamt about becoming one of those moms with their cute and beautiful kids, I never really expected myself to have my own one day. The night we bought the pregnancy test sticks, we also bought a bottle of wine, never would have thought that I was actually pregnant. In fact, before I went upstairs to take a test, I was going to open the bottle first (good that I didn’t).

2020 is a year when a lot of big changes occurred. There’s a big pandemic happening right now that measures have been taking place that has never before. There’s this thing called “social distancing” that encourages people to stay 2 meters away from each other. Hopefully by the time you are literal enough to read this, those safety measures are not necessary anymore, but until now, wearing masks, sanitizing ones’ hands, and keeping social distance are big part of life. And having known that you are growing inside me, makes me feel extremely cautious — if anything happens to me, it affects you. Ever since we confirmed my pregnancy, I have taken extra precautions. I was the first person to wear masks at work when the majority still believe that this was “useless”; I posted a sign outside of the office to remind people to wear masks before coming in; I tried to keep distance from people; I wiped my hands every time after I touched something public; last night I had an argument with your dad as I was concerned about the safety issue if your grandma were to travel to BC for a visit…your dad has teased me about being OCD and I don’t feel offended. Perhaps only another expecting mom would be able to relate to how I feel. There was a positive case announced from the hospital where I go for maternity check, which definitely stressed me out even more. There’s a saying from the Analects of Confucius that goes “Life and death are pre-ordained, and riches and honours come from God”. And while I would understand and agree as a free-spirited single woman who’s exploring the city, it’s a totally different story now that I’m expecting you. These are just a few extra steps (yet very important) I have taken to provide a better chance for you. I have eliminated sushi sashimi and wine from my diet immediately too (and they were my two favourite things in a meal).

On a personal level a lot also happened to me in 2020. Daddy and I moved in together at the beginning of the year, and we basically repainted and refurnished the whole place all over again. We were going to each have a bedroom of our own and paint the bedroom with baby pink and baby blue (before we even knew you were here). So you can tell that we are not really mature people who would have planned this every step of the way (but on the other hands, there are things in life that you cannot always plan out). We were both glad when we found out your gender and decided to make the master bedroom the nursery room. Since then we have kept you in mind whenever we added an item to the room. We hope to give you a lovely childhood that we have not experienced. We got married this spring and as many regrets as there were (my parents were not able to come to the country), I was glad that I was carrying you at that time so you could witness (in a way) when daddy and mommy exchanged vows.

I hope that I can participate as much as possible in your life, but if I cannot, remember this: the fact that I can even have you, makes me happy.

ps, every time when there’s a kick from you, i feel blessed.

Much love,

Mom