a mother’s advice to her daughter

Dear MooMoo,

it was my mother’s birthday two days ago. We had an hour-long video chat. Although there might have been ups and downs in the relationship between me and my mom, recently I actually quite enjoy talking to her when I was preparing for dinner. she mentioned having dinner with her friends from high school, and afterwards continued with a walk in a park close by with one of her closes friend. “it was an hour-long walk, and although it was very cold outside, my heart feel so warm with the company. i have learnt so much.” Her friend’s daughter is a housewife, who has married into a well-off family. according to her, the women would be given 20 grand a month as allowance. and of course, with first hand experience I know now being a housewife is no easy work. My mom’s friend clearly indicated as well the challenges of marrying up as what she saw in her daughter’s life, and has suggested that she continue with her passion for art work in her spare time. my mother’s conclusion is that the trick to a successful marriage is from the woman’s part would be to let the husband shine and to let him help so he’s reminded his importance everyday.

I have disagreements with my mom in various areas in life, and before she completed her statement the other day, i couldn’t help but feeling annoyed. Although I might agree the approach that in a marriage (or relationship), one can benefit emotionally by offering help and/or getting help, the emphasis that a woman should deliberately make herself small to feed the husband’s ego disappoints me a lot. Having been raised in an east-asian culture, I understand the implication to advocate for a woman’s selfless devotion roots from generations’ of “brain-wash”. And fortunately with many brave pioneers woman like me get to receive education and have a career while for some in this world “going to a work place” is not even an option. While my mother’s intention is to provide advice that would make my marriage life better, I would hope that in the future when i can offer any advice to you, MooMoo, would be more than that. I hope that you grow up with the mindset of equality.