patience

while i have heard before that it would take tons of patience to raise a child, i have only experienced that personally after i became a mother. the arrival of my child has brought me joy that i’ve never felt before, and has also tested my patience like never before. to claim that i learn something new everyday would be an elegant statement, underneath which there’s frustration, anger, self-doubt, etc. like at 3:26 am this morning i had to quickly stop pumping milk and run to crib as i heard that the baby cried. she cried while she’s still sleeping as she’s hungry. it had been normally around 4 am when i breastfed her so it caught me off guard a bit. at around 4:30 am we were finished and i crawled back to bed hoping to take a nap before the next feed, and before i could fall asleep it was my husband’s alarm. the next feeding session was at 6:56 am and before that i could barely fall asleep — either my baby got cranky and mumbling for the pacifier and i had to keep getting up and put it in her mouth, or i was too distracted by the sound of my husband’s morning podcast. and the thought of trying to get an 8-hour sleep everything to stay healthy only got me more stressful. like at noon when i was about to feed her i felt a sudden warm flow around my belly, only to find out that she’s peeing out of her diaper — and i had just changed her. like in the afternoon she pooped through my hands and on the change pad the moment i took the old diaper out. Her legs soon stepped on the poop, which got to her hands and all her cloths and i had to quickly put a new diaper on her as the “flow” was still going on. i had JUST put in a load of her laundry and now i need to get a second load of her poop cloths. and at the moment she’s crying as she didn't know why mommy suddenly moved her back to the bed instead of to the jumper.

as long as i determined to keep on with the parenthood thing, i need to reflect on myself and pray that i will learn something from and not have this happened to me again. so what have i learned so far today? i learned that before going to sleep if she sticks her tongue out, i need to keep feeding her more even if i have just fed her a big bottle — otherwise she would feel hungry half an hour early and interrupt my pumping session. i learned that i need to put her pants on the change pad on a flat surface instead of having her climb on me (even though that was cute) so the diaper would not switch places to leak the pee and the poo. i learned that when her hands are holding both of the legs and when she looks at me in a particular way, she’s probably about to poop so i should give her a moment and wait for it to run the course. i should probably talk to my husband about turning it down a bit too.

at this stage, it’s always the parents who need to learn and adapt.